Applying NLP (Neuro Linguistic Program) for kids can be meaningful to any child. Teaching young-age children the tools of NLP means teaching them how to connect with their inner strength and allowing them to maximize their results in any context. Those who take these ideas at a young age will grow up to be adults who manage their lives more efficiently and open up to more possibilities in the future.
By connecting to the forces that exist in them, your children will be able to go wherever they want. And just think, what options open up to them when they are connected to the strengths that are inside them and actually apply them.
How to do it practically? And how to apply the techniques mentioned in my book “A Dreidel of Wonders”, in your kids’ lives? This is what this post is all about. Please read, apply, enjoy and share.
NLP is a collection of researches, approaches, rules, processes and ideas that have in common the desire and ability to connect people to the forces and abilities within them, and to enable them to advance and achieve their goals in the fastest and most efficient way, in every field and context.
According to that view, children are not broken and do not need repair. They need guidance to help them find the direction they want to follow. Our job is to help them open up to the power that exists in them, and to allow them to make the right change. For this purpose, NLP teaches them action strategies that positively affect their lives and allow them to achieve the goals they want in the different contexts of life.
NLP for kids: The techniques in “A Dreidel of Wonders”
The book you just read incorporates three techniques that will equip your kids with tools and insights to change their approach to physical pain, fear of darkness, and coping with frustrating situations. For this to work, it is important that you, the adults, also flow with the attitude, and believe in the ability to make a difference and echo that belief in your children.
NLP for kids: Physical injury or pain
One child in the book falls and gets injured. To help him cope and ease the pain, the dreidel asks him to describe the pain through color, shape and voice. When the child imagines the pain as a tangible object (clock) of a certain color (red) that makes a sound (Tic-Tac), the pain becomes an entity in itself that the brain can keep away from the boy, thus relieving his feeling of physical pain.
To enhance the exclusion effect, the dreidel repeats the tangible description of the pain, offering the child to hang the clock on a wall in a remote room–thus further weakening the feeling of pain that the clock represents.
In addition, he accompanies the proposal with a convincing explanation, according to which the clock that represents the child’s pain can benefit someone else. This is important, because the more tangible and real the object that represents the pain will be, and the more meaningful purpose of its new location will be, the easier it will be for the brain to believe the change and respond to the exclusion of the pain that is imagined through that object (the clock) and its new purpose (to help the woman be on time)
He accompanies his suggestion with an interesting explanation: The watch representing the child’s pain could actually serve a purpose for someone else. This is crucial, because the more tangible and real the object representing the pain feels, the easier it is for the brain to believe in the change and respond to the imagined distancing of the pain through this object (the watch). And just as importantly, when the removed pain serves someone else, the brain finds it easier to go along with this distancing and to cooperate.
(A little anecdote: One of my NLP clients suffered from back pain every time she used the treadmill. During our session, she described the pain as a fountain of water that erupted during the activity. I suggested she find a place where this “fountain” could be useful and to imagine transferring it there. She sent it to Africa to support agriculture and improve local nutrition. Before long… the pain vanished completely. Later, when we talked about it, she didn’t even remember she once had back pain!)
The representation of the pain experience through the senses, via the transformation of abstract pain into a tangible buffer, which has a clear definition, color and sound, as well as the distance of the imagined object as a way to weaken and reduce the pain experience–are based on one of the basic presuppositions of NLP, according to which “Energy flows where focus goes”.
The more we focus on something – the greater its presence will be in our mind. Our focus on the environment and the external reality around us is done through the senses (Modalities). But while our ability to use our senses is an innate ability, our ability to direct the senses and program them to create the experience we want – is a gained ability, and it is carried out through the sub-modalities.
For example:
- Our perception of reality through our sense of vision will be influenced by location, color, distance and more
- Our perception of reality through the sense of hearing will be affected by volume, rhythm, location, and more
- Our perception of reality through the sense of touch will be affected by temperature, size, texture and more
- And all of them together will be affected by the connection (association) or disconnection (disassociation) from us and our subjective experience.
Do you notice how the use of sub-modalities is manifested in the definition of pain of the child through an external object, its appearance, Color and sound? Or how is transferring it in his mind to a remote place is done in order to keep the pain away from the kid and reduce its intensity?
Using the sub-senses changes the emotional experience, allowing the child in the story to create the desired change in the internal representation of his pain. Using this method will allow your kids to do and experience the same change, as well.
NLP for kids: Fear of dark
The first presupposition of NLP determines that “the map is not the territory”, meaning that each person (and every child) has a different representation of reality that is based upon the system of beliefs, values and principles through which they see the world. The metaphor of the map reminds us that there is no one objective reality that’s true for everyone, but everyone sees the reality that he sees in his personal, subjective way.
In our case, even if we, as adults, are convinced that there is nothing wrong with darkness and that there is no reason to fear it, the NLP approach invites us to respect the child’s world map, and to understand that the way he experiences the darkness arouses fears in him. Thus, without judgment or criticism and understanding that there is no right or wrong, it offers the child additional options to examine reality, options that will allow him to expand his world-map to see things in a way that will be more efficient for him.
In the story, the children are afraid of the dark, and even when they hide under the blankets, they can’t soothe their fear and fall asleep. The dreidel does not judge or criticize the kids but offers them three techniques that will allow them to expand their map, adopt additional perspectives on darkness, and treat it differently so they can reduce their fear or get rid of it completely.
First, he uses a technique based on using sub-modalities to change the children’s dark experience by treating darkness as just another color. He suggests they replace the black color (which apparently scares them) with a different color, which connects in their mind to other situations and contexts that evoke positive emotions such as love, joy and calm.
To help them strengthen the change and adopt a positive internal representation towards fear of darkness, the dreidel explains to the children that the sense of fear they experience is actually a “gift” from their subconscious, whose job it is to protect them from danger.
Then, to strengthen their ability to deal with the fear, he advises them to use mindfulness techniques of breathing, combined with guided imagery, to regain control of the situation:
Thus, he invites them to imagine how they breathe fear in, and then blow it out powerfully, making room to fill themselves with forces that will strengthen them and allow them to see the world from a different and more empowering perspective.
It is important to note that throughout; the dreidel does not judge or criticize the feeling of fear. He flows with the children and the Teddy bear, only equipping them with ideas and tools that will help them change their perspective, expand their map and deal with fear in a more efficient way.
NLP for kids: Frustrations and incompetence
The children decide to build a tower of stacking blocks, but when the tower collapses, they react with frustration and express a lack of faith in their ability to succeed in the task. The dreidel cracks the children’s perception of incompetence with direct questions, which leads them to recall the times when they built a tall tower with outstanding success.
After he cracks the wall of frustration, he invites them to connect to their inner powers, by remembering previous successful experiences in the past, on the one hand, and imagine the tall and impressive tower they are building now, successfully.
Seizing self-capability means believing in our ability to carry out tasks and deal with them successfully. The belief in self-capability affects both motivation and achievement: A high perception of self-capability improves the likelihood of succeeding in the task, and vice versa: Low self-capability makes it difficult to mobilize the resources, and focuses the thoughts on the obstacles and difficulties (“Energy flows where focus goes”, remember?).
As a result, our feeling of incompetence grows respectively, reducing the chances of success in performing the desired task…
The perception of self-capability is influenced by several factors, among which external encouragement and experiencing success in performing previous tasks.
Another NLP presupposition states that “there is no failure. There is only feedback and learning.” In other words, every experience, practice and action advance us towards the desired result (practice makes perfect).
The first important key to success is the creation of a clear and accurate outcome – not just in words, but by creating a multisensory presentation of the desired situation, with an emphasis on formulating it in the present tense: what exactly do we want? What does it look like? What do we hear when it happens? What do we see? What do we feel? What do we say? What is going on around us? And any other information that reinforces the sense of certainty of the outcome that we build in our mind.
The mental presentation of the outcome brings the future into the present, thus making the change or the desired situation an actual experience that takes place here and now. Once we build the sense of certainty in the brain by creating a properly constructed outcome, allowing ourselves to get into it and feel it happening here and now – our subconscious acts just like a guided missile that is zeroing on the target, and motivates us to achieve it.
And that’s exactly what the dreidel does, leading the children with guiding questions to create a success presentation of a stable and impressive tower:
First, he leads them to recall and re-activate the resources that have enabled them to succeed in the past. He then employs a technique of guided imagery, which allows them to leverage their breathing as a metaphor to strengthen their skills and abilities. And finally, he strengthens the outset of building the tower through creating the experience of future success in the present tense, guiding them on how to remember the wonderful sense of success, and leading them to achieve it, in practice.
NLP for kids: Bottom Line
Applying NLP (Neuro Linguistic Program) for kids can be meaningful to any child. Teaching young-age children the tools of NLP means teaching them how to connect with their inner strength and allowing them to maximize their results in any context. Those who take these ideas at a young age will grow up to be adults who manage their lives more efficiently and open up to more possibilities in the future.
As you’ve learned from the article, when the dreidel teaches the kids to consider a different approach to their problems, be it pain, fear of dark, or frustration, the change in their attitude brings along a change in their reaction which lead to better results and solve the problem almost instantaneously and effortlessly.
NLP for kids: A Dreidel of Wonders
Easy yet smart NLP techniques for kids are at the heart of this enchanting story about a dreidel who refuses to spin in Hanukkah, demanding to be with the kids throughout the year, like all the other toys, so he can empower them with his NLP Wizdom.
This is the 1st book in my new series “The Little Heroes around the year,” which offers young readers 3-8 years a glimpse into essential life and social-emotional skills with a special holiday’s touch – in a light-hearted way, combining bright illustrations, charming rhymes, and a rhythmic flow that’s perfect for shared bedtime reading.
NLP for kids: Now It’s Your Turn
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